Deadlines, deadlines, deadlines. A few more down, a few more to go. I can’t promise I can reliably speak, read or write English anymore, but here goes nothing, and by nothing, I mean: Week Old Comic Reviews!
Countdown #5
Who cares? Glad to see the Great Disaster, only it's clearly not on earth so this is just a waste.
Understand that the Great Disaster could be an awesome story. An unseen sliver of the pre-Crisis DCU. But I just said it right there, no? Pre-Crisis. Not this world or any of the four reboots since.
Was the hope to bring back the multiverse and immediately make us sick of it so we’d want it destroyed again? B/c Final Crisis looks more and more like it’s going to be more about the birth of the Fifth World than multiversal reboots.
So, yeah—buh—what?
Countdown to Adventure #8
meh.
The main story turns out okay, but is little more than a set piece. The primary struggles of the characters were entirely ignorable. Did anyone really believe Buddy had a hard-on for Kori? Are there any two characters with less chemistry? (Although, really, Kori is a chemistry killer). Conversely and more to the point, we all know Buddy to be a family man. And we all knew Rann would learn their lesson in the end, so where did this really go? I’d like to think this story amounted to more than an uncompleted post-script to 52, but I’m not so sure.
Will the Rann/Thanagar: Holy War be any better than the previous go-nowhere stories about this apparently ongoing conflict that seems to stop the minute we take our eyes off it? Does that mean Rann didn’t learn their lesson?
meh.
It was not the worst of the “Countdown to 52 Crossovers” I read, but it wasn’t the best either.
The backup story is full-on retarded. It’s like they forgot they had made this Forerunner character and not-so-quickly recovered by trimming some of Beechen's word count. Forerunner's little space piratey adventure served to explore and illuminate nothing whatsoever. Am I supposed to be happy for her in the end? You know it would help if she had any character to be happy for.
Stories aren’t just things that happen to things. Stories are events with beginnings, middlings and endings that usually progress in a satisfying way until the subject reaches some form of catharsis and/or overcomes something. The reader should generally feel a sense of accomplishment that required this story to do so.
It’s like I’m talking to myself over here.
Green Lantern #29
Cool enough little ditty. A retelling of Hal’s origin, I guess we're in a reiterating origins kind of time. Will this actually tell us anything new or is it just pulling all the bits together so we can all get the jokes contained in Johns’ love letter to that story Alan Moore wrote?
I actually consider this a wasted opportunity. Shouldn’t this be called Green Lantern: Year One and sold for $2.99? Since when are we afraid to sell more books?
I’m not telling DC how to run their business… oh wait, yeah I am.
Legion of Superheroes #40
Continuing a fine tradition of being really cool. Again, LoSH does everything Teen Titans should be doing and doing it better.
It’s a really fun book, and after two issues of presenting Lightning Lad as only slightly smarter than a steel ingot, we get to see why he’s a good leader anyhows:
”Now go to your rooms.”
A lot of fun is had with the original Wolverine, exploring the whys and hows behind the danger of having a barely contained psychotic on your team.
”snikt bub snikt snikt.”
Also… does Jim Shooter have a crush on Karate Kid, or do I?
I believe the term is “woof”.
I love how Triplicate Girl is telling her own self to hush.
Teen Titans #57
Is Rose psychic? Precognitive? Has she always been? Really?
”Really-really?”
This issue spoke a little more of going somewhere, and involved words like believe-in-each-other, benefit-of-the-doubt, and giving-a-fuck-about-Eddie. That's a nice change of pace. Let's do more of that.
McKeever talked me off the ledge a little here. But just a little. Ultimately I can’t fathom not reading a Teen Titans book if one is available, but it has to be better than this. Rose came off as well as intended I’d wager --which is only slightly better than Eliza Dushku* trying to be Faith from Buffy.
”But I’m telling you it doesn’t matter –wait? Did you just have feelings?”
Is it ironic that Wonder Girl is worried about maintaining her new Secret ID enough to yell at Robin for not using it, while talking bald-faced about Titans' business?
"Holy crap is that Wonder Girl and Robin? Oh, no, it's just that new girl Drusilla talking to Tim Drake about being in the Teen Titans."
”Right. Because it’s secret, Robin.”
Mighty Avengers #11
Y'know, I think I stopped reading this last month and forgot. So I read it again this month. I probably should've just skipped it. Not b/c it's bad--it's quite good even--just b/c I don't need it. It's popcorn at best. But hey, sometimes Popcorn is nice.
I’m at least a little glad I picked this up, otherwise I would’ve totally missed Doom gettin’ snippy wit it:
”Fatty fatty two by four, can't fit through the bathroom door!”
Man, someone should've made a "your mom" joke. That would've shut him up.
Since I missed last issue, I had a lot less idea of what was going on. Lucky for me, Doctor Doom is an exposition machine!
(…and then in 1974, Richards totally made with this girl I swear I had a shot with... RICHARDS!!)
I mean that literally. This is a Doom Bot set to catch up any readers that happen by. I understand this feature is present at all Latverian Embassies as well. Unfortunately, they're all programmed by Claremont.
Marty’s Predictable Pick of the Week
Blue Beetle #25
Holy Awesome.
When last we left our hero…
It would be folly to try and encapsulate all the Holy Awesome herein. But let’s try a photo-respective:
”Tell your friends”
Is this the most-scanned panel of the week? Probably. Where can I get numbers on that?
”Heard you were some alien hybrid human weapon thing.”
”Got better. Heard your original copyright got pulled.”
”You’re thinking of Pete Cannon.”
"Oh yeah? What happened to him?"
"I think he's dead, actually."
The DCU doesn’t have enough of these conversations, quite frankly.
"Hey C-block --I mean, Fire. I said Fire."
If you want to write an all-new JLI, Rogers, just say so. I'll vote for you.
”You know what, vato, I think we’re gonna skip right over ‘walkin’ softly’. Comprende?”
Best. Supporting. Cast. Ever.
”Hey scarab –scarab? How do you say ‘eat shit and die’in Reachspeak?”
Man, this one little panel speaks volumes. Artfully done.
”Mi Familia.”
It warms the heart. And dig Guy in the background.
”I love the smell of burgers in the morning. Smells like… victory.”
Yeah, everything seems to check out here. All awesome, all the time.
There are at least two big moments I’m not spoiling, even though I really-really wanna. On the off-chance that you haven’t read it yet, but are still reading this, but are gonna read it. Or something.
Thank you again, Mr. Rogers. It’s been a hell of a ride.
Next issue, Traci 13 meets the family. In spanish!
That’s my comics story and I’m sticking to it.
Countdown #5
Who cares? Glad to see the Great Disaster, only it's clearly not on earth so this is just a waste.
Understand that the Great Disaster could be an awesome story. An unseen sliver of the pre-Crisis DCU. But I just said it right there, no? Pre-Crisis. Not this world or any of the four reboots since.
Was the hope to bring back the multiverse and immediately make us sick of it so we’d want it destroyed again? B/c Final Crisis looks more and more like it’s going to be more about the birth of the Fifth World than multiversal reboots.
So, yeah—buh—what?
Countdown to Adventure #8
meh.
The main story turns out okay, but is little more than a set piece. The primary struggles of the characters were entirely ignorable. Did anyone really believe Buddy had a hard-on for Kori? Are there any two characters with less chemistry? (Although, really, Kori is a chemistry killer). Conversely and more to the point, we all know Buddy to be a family man. And we all knew Rann would learn their lesson in the end, so where did this really go? I’d like to think this story amounted to more than an uncompleted post-script to 52, but I’m not so sure.
Will the Rann/Thanagar: Holy War be any better than the previous go-nowhere stories about this apparently ongoing conflict that seems to stop the minute we take our eyes off it? Does that mean Rann didn’t learn their lesson?
meh.
It was not the worst of the “Countdown to 52 Crossovers” I read, but it wasn’t the best either.
The backup story is full-on retarded. It’s like they forgot they had made this Forerunner character and not-so-quickly recovered by trimming some of Beechen's word count. Forerunner's little space piratey adventure served to explore and illuminate nothing whatsoever. Am I supposed to be happy for her in the end? You know it would help if she had any character to be happy for.
Stories aren’t just things that happen to things. Stories are events with beginnings, middlings and endings that usually progress in a satisfying way until the subject reaches some form of catharsis and/or overcomes something. The reader should generally feel a sense of accomplishment that required this story to do so.
It’s like I’m talking to myself over here.
Green Lantern #29
Cool enough little ditty. A retelling of Hal’s origin, I guess we're in a reiterating origins kind of time. Will this actually tell us anything new or is it just pulling all the bits together so we can all get the jokes contained in Johns’ love letter to that story Alan Moore wrote?
I actually consider this a wasted opportunity. Shouldn’t this be called Green Lantern: Year One and sold for $2.99? Since when are we afraid to sell more books?
I’m not telling DC how to run their business… oh wait, yeah I am.
Legion of Superheroes #40
Continuing a fine tradition of being really cool. Again, LoSH does everything Teen Titans should be doing and doing it better.
It’s a really fun book, and after two issues of presenting Lightning Lad as only slightly smarter than a steel ingot, we get to see why he’s a good leader anyhows:
”Now go to your rooms.”
A lot of fun is had with the original Wolverine, exploring the whys and hows behind the danger of having a barely contained psychotic on your team.
”snikt bub snikt snikt.”
Also… does Jim Shooter have a crush on Karate Kid, or do I?
I believe the term is “woof”.
I love how Triplicate Girl is telling her own self to hush.
Teen Titans #57
Is Rose psychic? Precognitive? Has she always been? Really?
”Really-really?”
This issue spoke a little more of going somewhere, and involved words like believe-in-each-other, benefit-of-the-doubt, and giving-a-fuck-about-Eddie. That's a nice change of pace. Let's do more of that.
McKeever talked me off the ledge a little here. But just a little. Ultimately I can’t fathom not reading a Teen Titans book if one is available, but it has to be better than this. Rose came off as well as intended I’d wager --which is only slightly better than Eliza Dushku* trying to be Faith from Buffy.
”But I’m telling you it doesn’t matter –wait? Did you just have feelings?”
Is it ironic that Wonder Girl is worried about maintaining her new Secret ID enough to yell at Robin for not using it, while talking bald-faced about Titans' business?
"Holy crap is that Wonder Girl and Robin? Oh, no, it's just that new girl Drusilla talking to Tim Drake about being in the Teen Titans."
”Right. Because it’s secret, Robin.”
*My hate for Eliza Dushku is compounded only by how tough she’s trying to act at any given moment.
Mighty Avengers #11
Y'know, I think I stopped reading this last month and forgot. So I read it again this month. I probably should've just skipped it. Not b/c it's bad--it's quite good even--just b/c I don't need it. It's popcorn at best. But hey, sometimes Popcorn is nice.
I’m at least a little glad I picked this up, otherwise I would’ve totally missed Doom gettin’ snippy wit it:
”Fatty fatty two by four, can't fit through the bathroom door!”
Man, someone should've made a "your mom" joke. That would've shut him up.
Since I missed last issue, I had a lot less idea of what was going on. Lucky for me, Doctor Doom is an exposition machine!
(…and then in 1974, Richards totally made with this girl I swear I had a shot with... RICHARDS!!)
I mean that literally. This is a Doom Bot set to catch up any readers that happen by. I understand this feature is present at all Latverian Embassies as well. Unfortunately, they're all programmed by Claremont.
Marty’s Predictable Pick of the Week
Blue Beetle #25
Holy Awesome.
When last we left our hero…
It would be folly to try and encapsulate all the Holy Awesome herein. But let’s try a photo-respective:
How I Spent My Summer Vacation
By Jaime Reyes
”Tell your friends”
Is this the most-scanned panel of the week? Probably. Where can I get numbers on that?
”Heard you were some alien hybrid human weapon thing.”
”Got better. Heard your original copyright got pulled.”
”You’re thinking of Pete Cannon.”
"Oh yeah? What happened to him?"
"I think he's dead, actually."
The DCU doesn’t have enough of these conversations, quite frankly.
"Hey C-block --I mean, Fire. I said Fire."
If you want to write an all-new JLI, Rogers, just say so. I'll vote for you.
”You know what, vato, I think we’re gonna skip right over ‘walkin’ softly’. Comprende?”
Best. Supporting. Cast. Ever.
”Hey scarab –scarab? How do you say ‘eat shit and die’in Reachspeak?”
Man, this one little panel speaks volumes. Artfully done.
”Mi Familia.”
It warms the heart. And dig Guy in the background.
”I love the smell of burgers in the morning. Smells like… victory.”
Yeah, everything seems to check out here. All awesome, all the time.
There are at least two big moments I’m not spoiling, even though I really-really wanna. On the off-chance that you haven’t read it yet, but are still reading this, but are gonna read it. Or something.
Thank you again, Mr. Rogers. It’s been a hell of a ride.
Next issue, Traci 13 meets the family. In spanish!
That’s my comics story and I’m sticking to it.
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